Lita’s blog

Yesterday I went to my friend T's boyfriend's N's birthday party. All the other guests excluding me and my friend were Kurds and they spoke Kurdish, so it was a bit boring for us, so we decided to go outside for a while. We were sitting in the swings and my boyfriend came there. Then also my mom's boyfriend came there and said to my boyfriend either "get the fuck away from here" or "her". I'm not quite sure. My boyfriend, of course, answered. I called my mom and when S (my mom's boyfriend) was leaving, I thought everything was fine, but it wasn't. My boyfriend, P, went talking to his Somali friends and they started a fight with S. I went there, too. The Kurds came to defend S and soon all the Somalis and Kurds outside were fighting.
I tried to make everyone stop by keeping my boyfriend off S. It didn't work all the time, though. In the end S's face was covered in blood and he wanted me to go home with him, but I decided to stay, 'cause I wanted to find my boyfriend, who I didn't see after the fight.
I don't know if I have ever been in such panic as I was after the fight.

Is my boyfriend going to be departed and what's going to happen to us? I would so much like to call him, but I'm too scared.

My life is a mess. Just on Thursday I was the happiest person in the world - full of excitement and the joy of waiting, but in Friday evening everything changed. Why did these people have to get involved with those things in the first place? I don't know who's telling the truth and who's lying or who's changing the story just a little bit and who's being provocative.
What I know is I don't want to loose this person. He is so important to me. It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. I can promise that.

Rest in peace, Michael.
August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

He used to be a living legend, now he's just a legend.
Huh. I didn't expect this at all.

He certainly was one of the greatest musicians, songwriters, performers and PEOPLE in the whole world. I will always respect him very much and I'm glad I got to live at the same time with this legend.

I just wish my boyfriend came back from the city of Turku already. He's there meeting his friends and soon he will go to Helsinki, the capital, to meet his other friends and some people, I guess. When he left he said he'll be back in two weeks. Still a week to wait, but at least we're halfway there.
Today I received a nice text message from him. That will make my time a little bit better.

Getting away from the former school of mine was one of the greatest things ever happened to me. I don't know how I should feel now... On some level I'm probably going to miss my schoolmates, but there's no reason to: I will see them in 10 years anyway. And they are gonna see me a lot, I can sweare that.

I've spent nine years of my life going to that school, where I never felt good. There was always something that made my life bad. Now that I've got rid of it, I don't know what to do or how to live. It's like a relationship where the other person tells you how to dress up and do your hair and how to be. And now that it's gone I'm kind of lost. But I know I will find my way again, I always do.

I hope the new school is a better place and the people are more grown up.

Wow, it really has been a while since I've written something here. I've been more active elsewhere, like on MySpace and my favorite forum ever: Hevoset.com. I have just written down some dreams I've had at night, but I don't write them down as much as I used to. Only the most interesting ones.

There have been a few changes in my life (and will be more in the near future). I started dating my current boyfriend; we've been together since April 17. The summer holiday started and I never have to go back to that school again - in the fall I will start my new life in a new school. I will also move to my first own appartment.
I think I'm living a very interesting era in my life and I'm really looking forward to moving and going to the new school and all that stuff.

I just gotta say... YEEEEEAAAHH!! On Friday I was so sad and angry and desperate because I didn't succeed with my playing (guitar is the instrument that I'm talking about) and I seriously though about quitting, but yesterday and earlier today I decided to practice, not very hard, though. A moment ago I tried to play the solo of Back to the Cave and a part that I hadn't gotten right before, but though I hadn't even played the whole song in ages, I got that part right. You can't imagine how I felt: I was and am sure it was a sign for making the right decision, which was to continue practising.
And why I'm so crazy about this is because to me playing the guitar doesn't mean that I just play the guitar, 'cause it's fun and what I like to do, it means the world to me. I have to become a successful artist, because I'm so ambitious. And the reason why I'm so ambitious is that I have to show all these idiots here that they were wrong by saying that I would never become a rockstar. It's my dream and I will f-in' make it come true! And the fact that they treat me like shit makes me want to try even harder.
I know there is gonna be a whole lot of frustration and fighting against myself before I become as good as I want to be (if there is such a thing, I'm a perfectionist and it's never enough to be good, I gotta be better), but what happened today showed me that's it's worth it all.

Thank you.
I apologize some possible typos, I'm so happy right now that I just don't happen to care that much.

Matti ajoi mustaa citymaasturia ja olin kyydissä. Hän kiihdytti ja sanoin, että älä aja niin kovaa. Matti ei kuitenkaan välittäny siitä, vaan kiihdytti lisää. Mää kiljuin ja auto lähti hallinnasta. Ensin se liuku tien oikeella puolella, jossa oli lumista ja aika leveetä. Loppujen lopuks menee ojaan vasemmalle puolelle, jossa on sellanen pysähdyspaikka. Menen kysymään kahdelta ohi kulkevalta, hiukan vanhemmalta mieheltä, tulisivatko he auttamaan auton pois hinaamisessa. Tunsin oloni viehättäväksi ja minulla oli hienot kengät, ilmeisesti korolliset nilkkurit. Miehet olivat mukavia ja lupasivat auttaa. Auto saatiin ylös ja menimme Matin kanssa autolla rauhallisesti heille. He asuivat omakotitalossa keskellä mettää, ja heillä oli eläimiä. Matin äiti kertoi heidän toisen karhunsa kuolleen, ja Matti surustui suuresti. Hän käpertyi maahan jonkun verisen rotanraadon (=karhu) päälle.
Kävelen metsässä Matin kanssa. Maassa on lunta ja havuoksat osuvat mun jalkoihini. Mietin, et voishan sitä ehkä sänkyyn menä, mut ehkei kuitenkaan.

One thing I would never hand over to anyone else are the dreams I have at night. I started writing them down in February 2008 and since then they have gotten so much more interesting, longer and clear, and I remember them much more easily. Some of them have actually taught me something and grown me as a person.
My dreams inspire me. I would sometimes like to paint something that I've seen in a dream, but I don't know could I actually do it. I'm gonna try anyway.

Lately I have written some of my dreams here, 'cause my better computer, where my dream diary is, is broken, but they are in Finnish and hidden.

What's your New Year's resolution for 2009? How did you do with 2008's?

I don't really have a specific resolution for 2009, I just decided, or actually knew, that I would try to live my life a bit more again. I got a taste of it in 2008 already. If I'm patient, I will live the life of my dreams someday.