5 posts tagged “bullying”

Getting away from the former school of mine was one of the greatest things ever happened to me. I don't know how I should feel now... On some level I'm probably going to miss my schoolmates, but there's no reason to: I will see them in 10 years anyway. And they are gonna see me a lot, I can sweare that.

I've spent nine years of my life going to that school, where I never felt good. There was always something that made my life bad. Now that I've got rid of it, I don't know what to do or how to live. It's like a relationship where the other person tells you how to dress up and do your hair and how to be. And now that it's gone I'm kind of lost. But I know I will find my way again, I always do.

I hope the new school is a better place and the people are more grown up.

The year is almost over and I thought I could revise some things that have happened to me during 2008.

First of all... In March, April and May I made my biggest mistake so far, and almost repeated it in autumn, not that badly though. In March I also realized, what reality actually was, and I started feeling a lot better and my life became much easier, thanks to one single photo (OHIRE = OMG he is real-experience).
During that time I also started this blog, which is my second blog in English. And so far the best. This is actually the best blog I've ever had.

In June I saw the Scorpions live for the second time in my life. And James Kottak communicated with me. June the 7th, 2008 is easily the best day of my life (among one other day). That day I also got Sebastian Bach's autograph, he was sitting right in front of me, so close that I was afraid I was going to hit him in the head. I also shook hands with his bass player, Rob de Luca.
In June I also had my birthday and after that I haven't felt so young anymore. I guess this is the time when you actually start getting older.

In July I saw the Scorpions live again, and blacked out in the front row. A couple of men dragged me away from the tent, but I managed to get back where I was in the front row. I was also a VIP. That day I was supposed to make one of my dreams come true, but an important person I would have needed wasn't there, so I failed with my mission.

The rest of the year has been full of different kind of things and feelings, people have been nice and mean, things have happened and it has been boring, too. In November a long-time bully of mine apologized me for the first time after throwing a piece of pie into my hair, but I think it didn't make much of a change.

And of course my English has gotten a lot better again, I can use it more and more.

2008 hasn't obviously been the easiest year in any way, but I think it took me a lot closer to what actually is my life.

This post is going to be about things that have happened lately and things that are going to happen soon. Quite normal things.

Today I got a new amplifier. Okay, it's not new, it's my dad's old one....anyway. My guitar sounds so much better with it than my old amp. I got new inspiration for playing the guitar, maybe I'll start composing my own songs now. I have also been playing the drums a bit.

School has been pretty normal, it started on July 11th. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but it has been very nice at school when compared with last year, which was hell. Maybe, just maybe the bullying is over now... Next year I'm going to another school, so it would be pretty nice to miss some people, who have been nice to me. Or at least nicer than before.
Anyway, we've got the class portrayal tomorrow. I hope I won't look like an ass in the picture.

Who inspires you to be the person you are today?

The people, who I respect and who I want to be like and people who need help. It can mean many things, but I'll tell you what I mean.

I want to be able to help people, who are being slaved or controlled by someone else, who are being bullied at school, who are afraid, who haven't found their place or don't know who they are, who have been beaten or violated (mostly mentally) and so on. I want to go to Africa (for example) to help poor people to survive. I want to stand by those women, who have had to go through genital mutilation (okay, I just simply can't know how horrible it must feel) ... and things like that.

And the people I respect? They are good people. They are talented musicians. They are people that want to make a change. And I want to be just like them.

What is your deepest, darkest fear?

I didn't need to think about this long, 'cause I know my deep and dark fear very well. This is how it goes...

It all started in the 2nd grade, when my best friend abandoned me for the first time. She didn't hang out with me anymore, she just talked with the other girls and gossiped about me. So, I was alone and feeling very lonely, I didn't have any permanent friends, I just hanged out with those I had a chance to hang out with. It all lasted for about a year, and then, in the 3rd grade, me and my friend reconciled. She wrote me a letter, which I thought was a very beautiful thing to do. I wish I still had that letter. It was written on a Lady and the Tramp paper and I was really surprised when I found it in my desk. Then we reunited and were friends for a few years again.
Then again, in the 7th grade, my dear friend started hanging out with our two enemies, who we both hated back in the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th grades. My former friend and my enemies insulted me in every way and I was about to give up. She left me alone once again and I felt lonelier than ever. Anyway, somehow I just hung on. I had some friends in 7A, but I was in 7C, so it didn't help much. I hanged out with those girls sometimes, but they didn't like it so much, 'cause we were on separate grades and I didn't always hang out with them, and they had their new friends from other schools. Anyway, they are not the ones to blame. In the end, they were the ones to keep me alive.

The loneliness lasted until the summer holiday. Then I changed the grade to 8A and got to hang out with my real friends. Of course there are still the ones that make my life hell in a way, but I don't care about them so much anymore, 'cause I know I've got friends that will always stand by my side and won't leave me alone.

And what was the question again.....? Yeah, the fear. My fear is to be left all alone, I mean, being lonely. That's probably one of the only things I'm really afraid of. And believe me, I am a brave personality, thanks to my mom. But the most important thing is that I have got over it. Though the battle is not over yet, it's not over until I get away from here, away from all these people. It takes time, but I know I'm going to make it. I'm a survivor, whatever happens, I win.

This story still continues and I bet you will get to hear the end someday.